The other day my kids and I were killing time at Wal-Mart. Hold on…before you judge my parenting let me clarify. My wife needed to “grab a few things” and it “would only take a minute.” I knew better. We were going to SUPER Wal-Mart. Nothing takes a minute. The store is so big you can’t see from one side to the other because of the curvature of the earth (Thanks Floyd). Nevertheless, I agreed with a smile and figured we could play video games and hunt through the mound of $3 DVD’s for at least thirty minutes.

Forty-five minutes later I had seen every Steven Segal movie ever made and the kids were board. So we began to roam the isles and ended up in the pet section looking at the fish. The boys were mesmerized. Every color, shape and size of fish all neatly organized in their special habitats. It was fun to see how they grouped the fish together.

Many different types and species were all sharing close quarters. As the boys were trying to get the lizards to move I turned and looked behind me and saw four solitary fish. They were in their own small bowls, each separated from the other and on their own shelves. It was sad the see these four beautiful fish all by themselves. It thought it was a bit strange so I flagged down the nearest blue vest and began to interrogate him.

I wanted to know why these four fish were singled out. Were they bad? Had they been returned? Was there an overcrowding issue at Super Wal-Mart? The kind employee laughed and said no and then taught me about Betta Fish.

They are really called Siamese fighting fish because they are, in fact, fighting fish. They will tear at one another, often causing the death of at least one fish before they stop. The males are always very brightly colored with bold markings. Betta’s can be coupled with algae eaters, guppies, or catfish safely, but never another Betta. So, they end up living a very solitary, lonely life.

I have seen and heard of leaders who unfortunately share Betta characteristics. Strong willed…bold…big personalities…running toward the fight…looking for a kill…alone…solitary. If truth be told, I have found myself acting like a Siamese fighting fish on many occasions. It is so easy to get into “betta” mode.

When you find yourself dealing with constant problems it seems almost second nature to jump into problem solving mode. And when you get into that mode, you begin to see one thing and one thing only…The solution. You don’t see the cause…you don’t see the people…you don’t see the consequences…you simply see the way out. And that is the “betta” way.

I have to imagine most high level leaders have found themselves in this mode. A majority of high level leaders share a “get it done” gene. They are decisive. They are quick to act. They are bold. And unless they create a natural safety switch, they can be doomed to devouring their co-workers, staff, board members, children, spouses and so on.

So what are a few ways to halt the transformation into “betta leadership?” An easy way is to surround yourself with someone who will be honest and candid with you and challenge your decisions. That person will need a tough skin to deal with your quick retorts, but you will find their feedback essential and learn to trust their instincts and the balance they bring to the table.

A second way is to simply create a personal decision matrix. Then anytime you are faced with a decision, you simply plug the decision into your pre-determined process and logically work your way through it. It’s not full proof and requires a great deal of self-control and discipline, but it can keep you from devouring the next fish.

Which ever way you choose, it will help you from becoming a “betta leader.” Trust me; it’s no fun being the betta fish. The unfortunate by-product of that type of leadership over the long haul is the isolation and loneliness. Yes, both of the traits seem to go hand in hand with leadership, but they don’t have to be so intense that you find yourself sequestered on a shelf with no one around. That’s no fun and that’s not leadership.